I have been facing some physical difficulties, some disappointments, some hurts, some ponderings, and prayers. The list could go on, but this is enough so you get the idea. I tried to write this blog a week ago, but just couldn’t write. The physical difficulties come from needing dental surgery, and from swelling in my leg caused by lymphedema, which is an after effect of cancer treatments. The disappointments and hurts come from a Christian women’s group that became too hurtful and stressful, so I quit. So all this set me to pondering and praying to figure out what I should do, and to get help from God to forgive and move on, and to ask — Where do I turn for comfort? Where do I turn for understanding? Where do I turn for help? Which way should I go?
Of course you already know the answer, I turned to God, but let’s look at this from another view. Living in Florida, I have many kinds of small lizards in my yard. It is quite common for them to find ways to sneak into the house. Now these lizards eat bugs and spiders, so I really don’t mind a few being in my house, but I have realized that the lizard will dry up in a few days. Evidently they need a water source or damp area to live. So for their own sakes, my husband and I try to lead them back outside when we find them in the house. Have you ever tried to herd a lizard in the direction you want it to go? It always runs in the opposite direction you you are leading. Sometimes I will see a lizard standing with two feet on the ground and the other two feet flailing at the glass sliding door trying frantically to get to the outside, that it can see, but can’t find a way into. I feel so sorry for it, but when I open the door to let it out, it runs the other way. Trying to shoo it out the door does not work. Evidently they do not have the same gene a dog has, for a dog will run outside any chance it gets. So sometimes, I leave the door open a bit and watch until the lizard finally hesitantly slips outside, and then I shut the door quickly. I don’t want to let any other lizards in, or have this one run back in. Sometimes my husband can get one in his hand and put it outside, but I am not adept at this method. I have been able to scoot them out the door using a broom. So is this how I appear to God?
Do I run in the opposite direction from where God wants me to go? It seems sometimes I do. It might be fear, or it might be confusion that causes me to do this. I certainly don’t do it on purpose. Does God leave the way open to me, while I seemingly ignore what will set me free from whatever problem I have been praying to Him about? Does God have to push and prod me to go where I need to go? Does He sometimes have to pick me up for my own good and place me where I need to be? When God is doing these things for my own good, am I crying out in desperation and fear? Do I not understand what God wants me to do? Do I not know that God loves me and wants what is best for me? Evidently I too do not have the dog gene that makes dogs run eagerly for freedom, or run happily back to his master when called. It seems that sometimes I am running in circles, and I don’t even have a tail to chase! So why do I do this?
The answer I found, is that I needed to surrender to God. I needed to trust Him. I may not have a dog gene, but I certainly can change my attitude and my actions. So my solution, coming from pondering the lizard’s situation — When not knowing where to turn … Stop, pray, listen, and follow God’s lead. Now I realize that this is not always easy, but it is more likely to result in something good, than running in circles. So maybe you have found yourself running in circles and can relate to my problem. I hope it can do for you what it did for me this week. Stopping and turning to God first gave me rest. Running in circles is tiring! Then praying to God gave me peace and relief. Listening to God’s answer gave me hope for something better. Now I am trying to follow God’s lead, which at least helped me to finish writing this blog post. Where else He will lead me I do not know yet, but I know it will be better than running in circles chasing my tail. Now I am even a bit eager to see where God will lead me next.